posted by: In Memory of Joy
And it came to pass on that day in the land of Michigan, that Troy W. Reid, a man slouching in stature and grey of tooth, dwelt in the city of Lewiston. And Troy was troubled greatly, for his Youtube income was dwindling and his Patreon supporters were abandoning him. So upon that day Troy ascended the Mound of Garbage and earnestly sought The Lord.
And the whining and complaining of Troy reached the ears of The Lord, and The Lord cringed at the sound of his voice. “Why hast thou sought Me, Troy?” The Lord inquired of him.
“Trolls have encompassed me round about and hampered my labors, for I have been tilling the garden since dawn, building a greenhouse, repairing small engines, generating free energy from my Bedini device, and inventing a cooling system for computers,” Troy replied.
And the words of Troy were vexing unto The Lord, for he knew Troy was lying through his rotten teeth. “It is I who have sent the trolls against thee O Troy, for thou art a despicable, cunning, lying vile creature.”
And Troy of Lewiston curled his lower lip into a pout and held his camo-covered bible aloft and said, “It is not my fault O Lord, for even the church brethren have become false accusers and come before the elders with charges of lying.”
And the anger of The Lord was kindled anew against Troy, and he declared, “As was written in the Book of .Sucks, GET A JOB YOU BUM!”
But Troy repented not of his deeds and attempted to delete all the words of The Lord.
As was spoken by the prophet Spork, The Lord sent 10 plagues, even 11 plagues did he send unto Troy W. Reid – Plague of ticks; Plague of mosquitoes; Plague of lightning/wind; Plague of bigfoots; Plague of coyotes; Plague of mice; Plague of raccoons; Plague of nightly vandals; Plague of chipmunks; Plague of wasps; and lastly but not leastly, Plague of Trolls.
And Troy persisted, proclaiming, “Have I not transported pedophiles across state lines in Your name? Have I not bundshafted without fail every Wednesday? Have I not rode minibikes through mud with teenage boys in Your name?
And The Lord relented not of his anger against Troy, and did multiply trolls and wasps against him, and many were directed to the .sucks website and were converted. And the last days of Troy W. Reid were spent upon a park bench, as was spoken of by the prophet Danielle.
The Spirit is moving today…
A previous chapter from the Book of Joy:
And it came to pass in the year of our Lord 2016, that a blight was upon all the land of New York, even unto the town of Pine Bush, on account of one Troy Reid, a man gaunt and sickly, with a countenance like unto that of a ghoul.
And Troy did accumulate unto himself pallets and all manner of scrap wood, and weed whackers and tractors and automobiles and wood stoves and tires and all manner of broken, worthless junk, for it pleased Troy greatly to be wallowing in trash. And the Lord saw all that Troy did, and did curse the ground, that it bear him no harvest and his garden did wither.
And Troy ventured unto the land of the Phillipines, and there he took unto himself a female slave called Mae, appearing as unto a wife. And Troy knew her not. And Troy did hire a laborer, a man clothed in diapers, for it vexed Troy to do honest labor.
And in those days Troy did lie and scam upon all the viewers of Youtube for a space of five years. And many were those who donated all manner of gifts unto Troy; tools and silver and labor. And Troy thanked them not, for he was a man of great avarice and a narcissist, and the enemies of Troy multiplied in the land.
And Troy did trouble all the inhabitants of Pine Bush and the community of Youtube. The townspeople of Pine Bush murmured among themselves, and entreated The Lord that He might drive Troy from their midst.
And the Lord heard their cries, and sent a calamity upon the homestead, and the landholder, one Marcia Wright, did evict Troy from the premises. And Troy blamed the trolls, even unto Doc the elder did he blame. So the Lord drove Troy out into the wilderness and he settled in the land of Michigan. Here Troy pressed upon his mother and father, saying, “I pray thee, buy me this parcel of land that I might dwell therein, for my slave is with child and I refuse to pay for anything with the sweat of my brow.” And the members of .sucks did jeer, for they knew Troy was a sluggard and had not repented of his filthy lying ways.
So Troy of Lewiston commenced in creating blight upon the land, in the same manner as Pine Bush. And the Lord was wroth with Troy. And Troy whined unto the Lord, saying, “Lord, have I not performed miracles in your name? Have I not raised Sandra the lawyer out of her wheelchair? Have I not brought TJ the pedophile to the brink of salvation? Have I not reattached my ear and mended my broken rib? Have I not chewed a plantain leaf and quelled the sting of yellowjackets? Have I not multiplied subscribers as unto loaves and fishes?”
And the Lord replied, “Depart from me, for I never knew you. And get a job, you bum.”
And all the men and women of .sucks cheered, and the Lord blessed their harvests and increased their numbers, for righteousness dwelled in the congregation of .sucks.